When Your Friends’ Biased Opinions Affect How You Feel About Him:

Dealing with friends’ biased opinions on the guy you’re dating and knowing when their concerns are valid or invalid.

Lily Drew: I don’t know about you, but for the last ten years of my life I’ve dated just about every guy and their mother. Wish I was joking about the mother comment. I spent the majority of my college years boning the musician type. I remember he sat me down on the bluff of my school campus and told me the “history of him” filled with trials, tribulation, and a key buzzword “foster care.” I slept with him that night. What girl doesn’t love a good sob story turned into a “get your freak on” moment? He was sensitive and a musician, dating 101 for a tumultuous, whirlwind of codependency, but I loved that. I remember the day I sat him down in front of my two best friends. An androgynous type and a fiery Latina. I must have received 60 texts that morning saying, “I can’t believe you’re taking him to OUR brunch spot.” “WE do brunch, since when does WE include him?” So how do you introduce “the guy” in your life to “the gals” in your life? The gals who full-heartedly believe that they get the executive decision on the man you wake up to every day.

Let’s call my musician “Shpatrick”. Shpatrick has no idea what he is getting himself into, but it’s like the millennial version of the dad with the shotgun. He doesn’t know that Bestie One over there watched me throw up cry over the last guy I dated, or that Bestie Two on the other side watched me burn stuff on the porch of the guy who took my virginity. He just doesn’t know how high the stakes really are. If Shpatrick doesn’t give them the attention that they demand, they will never waste their time on him again. Plain and simple. So you, being the ingenue with the new dick, what are you to do? Do your friends actually understand that it’s legal to date? That it is your FREE WILL to date and break up, date and break up, until Prince Charming comes along? Do they understand the fact that one day your biological clock is gonna tick, and it’s going to keep ticking until you have that baby Bjorn dangling around your neck, right where that choker with the little fluorescent gem used to be? Or not, because you totally never want kids, which is completely understandable too. But maybe you’re ready to settle down, or maybe you just want to meet someone that you can share a fast pass at Disneyland with. This in itself is hard enough that you need to listen to your friends weighing in with their biased opinions.

You shouldn’t feel ashamed about bringing a new guy to the table, and you shouldn’t be criticized for it. Sometimes you have to block out the unnecessary chiming in of a selfish friend who really just wants her single, drunk version of you back to stand in line with her at exclusive clubs… but sorry, Bianca, she’s not always gonna be there. Your friends, like your parents, need to give you that space to experience life and to experience guys, and to get hurt and learn from your mistakes. Often times your girls won’t like him due to their own selfish reasons and when this happens you need to think deeply: is she really looking out for me, or is she just projecting her own insecurities onto my life?

So maybe it works out, maybe it doesn’t. That’s just the way it works. Out of 8 billion people on the planet, odds are you probably could find true love with 10, so don’t let your besties narrow that list down to a 4. It’s time to stand your ground. We can’t always have a Miranda opinion, everyone needs their girl Charlotte to make some noise too (please go watch every season of Sex and the City if you haven’t). So go to the self help section and take a sharp right towards the, “Trust your own judgement, not your friend's” section.

Now don’t get me wrong, your friends are amazing and their opinions are valid too. And sometimes they do know you more than you know yourself. Listen to your friend's reasons for not liking him. Does she not like the way he talks to you? That may be something to truly take into consideration. However, does she just think he’s “too Hipster” or “too nerdy”? Enough from Goldilocks, if you think he tastes “just right” then keep him. Form your own opinion and stand up for him if you think he’s right for you, and if your friends are good friends, they’ll come around.

Okay, so moral of the lesson. Go to brunch with your bestie and meet her new guy. Give him a chance. You could find out that he loves the same anime that you do. Or 30 Rock, everyone loves 30 Rock. And no matter what your opinion is, if you see your girl glowing over her new man even when he talks about how many views he’s gotten on the newest song he dropped on Soundcloud, tell her how much you love him!

Kendall Milton: As it turns out Mister Musician didn’t really end up being the right one for Lily, because as the irony of life goes, guess who else he told his sob story too on the bluff of our college campus, and guess who else went home with him? This girl. However, the point Lily is trying to make is extremely valid. Okay so maybe your girl’s new boy is a pseudo intellectual who’s obsessed with 40s noir films, and even though you also went to film school, your favorite film will always be Bridesmaids. Or maybe you find out the reason your girl showed up to brunch in a full on Tiger costume, is because this new guy of hers is a "Furry". So maybe you and this new guy of her’s won’t be BFFs, however I think it’s important to ask yourself these key questions. One: is she the best version of herself around this new guy? Is she happy IRL or just on Insta? And two: Is he physically, or emotionally abusing her, or isolating her completely? No? Okay cool, then let her freak flag fucking fly and don't weigh in with your opinion so much.

Speaking of sob stories, I was with a guy for a year that my family was completely against because of his background. I, however, was so into him because of his background. I think it's because I'm a writer, but I've always been attracted to a guy with a story. Whether he had to strip his way through college to raise his kid as a single dad, survived foster care or some life threatening disease, or watched his own father die of a drug overdose; my heart is a sucker for a man that's overcome something in his life. I truly believe that life experience builds character and a kind of wisdom you can't learn from school. I actually went through a phase where I'd go with my best friend, a recovering alcoholic, to AA meetings just to pick up guys. That's a joke. I went to support her.... and for character study for my scripts. Kidding. But I was always so attracted to the guys she knew there. Man did they have some killer backstories.

While some girl's biggest fear may be bringing home a guy that went to prison, mine is bringing home an upper middle class, non-creative, white guy with a name like John who has never had to overcome anything in his life, graduated with a business degree, lives in a house with 2.5 bathrooms, has a stable relationship with his mother, a 9 to 5, and a regrettably average penis (not small enough that he makes up for it in other ways and not big enough that his talent doesn't matter). I used to say while some girls are only interested in him if he's attended an Ivy, I'm only interested in him if he's shot up an IV. Again, I'm totally kidding, but to each is own. A self help book recently told me to rewrite the stories I've made up about myself, one being that I only date guys with messed up backgrounds. I rewrote that narrative to be: I love a man with passion who dreams big, is spontaneous and doesn't want to lead a boring life. That doesn't have to mean he's robbed a bank. He can have overcome something in his past, but that doesn't need to translate to his present. Sorry that was a bit of a side tangent, but the point is I needed to get to that point of self love and understanding at my own pace.

When I was dating my ex I refused to let my family's prejudices influence my decision to be with him. And don't get me wrong, my family is amazing and very accepting of most people. They are extremely supportive of me and I am very blessed. I now know that they were coming from a loving place with their concerns. They simply wanted the best for me and they didn't want me falling for someone with a lot of baggage, but I wasn't in a head space to understand that. After all I did love this guy. I did, however, end up ending the relationship because I was not the best version of myself with him, and we were not compatible dating wise. Did my family’s lack of support, and constant weighing in help me come to this decision? No it didn’t. In fact when I felt that maybe we weren’t right for each other, I told myself that I was being influenced by my family’s unfair views. At the end of the day my reasons for ending this relationship all came from within me and what my gut was telling me. I realized my own self worth and what I deserved and I walked away. However, I got there on my own terms and none of it had to do with his background.

No matter how much you love your friend, or family member you must let them make these relationship decisions on their own. People need room to grow, to love, to fuck, to fight, to hurt and to even have their hearts broken. All you can do is be there to pick up the pieces if, and when their heart does break. And if you’re a really good friend and Mister Musician ends up being the worst decision your bestie ever made, you will show up at her door with a shit ton of Rose, some coconut milk ice cream (because he always forgot she was vegan), a fully written list of reasons why she is out of his league, and an ugly photo of him so you can play “pin the micro penis on the fuckboi” (maybe that’s just a me thing). And one more tip: if you don’t express such strong opinions towards your girl’s new guy she will be WAY more willing to share with you the details of her new relationship.

Kendall & Lily: If you liked this article, and think we’re funny you should follow us, subscribe to us, like us, and instantly gratify us at @TheEskimoSisters on Instagram, YouTube and Facebook. And, no, Mister Musician had no influence on our coming up with The Eskimo Sisters as our name ;).

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